Money Pit

Price: $1
Year: 1986
Run time: 91 magic minutes
Director: Richard (not Walter) Benjamin
Cast: Tom Hanks (before he sucked), Shelly Long, Alexander Godunov, Joe Mantegna, Brian Backer, Maureen Stapleton

Like AJ McLean and the movie Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness, I am forever haunted by the movie Money Pit. To some it is another forgettable 80s comedy, but to me it is a parable for the fragility of human life. Human beings are prone to decay like all organisms. As we grow old and continue to absorb heat are bodies move closer to entropy, and yet we continue to build dreams in a state of denial. These dreams will slip away, and soon our staircases will collapse. Then, our bath tubs will collapse and bring us to a lower level than even before.

Is advancement possible in such a scenario?

The answer is to grim to type.

So what role does love play in this downward spiral? Will it save us, or does it further our denial and detachment from the reality of our situation. It can truly be beautiful, but it eats away at you like all else, until one day you find out the person you love has gone to bed with one of Alan Rickman's numerous Die Hard henchmen. What then? What of this love you once held so dear?

Such are all the things that we believe will help us cope with the pain. Alcohol coarses down your throat like a shady construction that demolishes your home without making the promised repairs. Still, you'll go for another drink. In your state of inebriation, you gaze into your cup and think you see the answer, in the form of Shelly Long and Tom Hanks. They cling to each other in a a hopeless yuppy embrace. You feel yourself drifting further and further from the bliss they experience. You take a swig as a quick fix. When you look back at the liquid in your brite red party cup, all you see are your two red eyes, which look as vacant as WIlson the volley ball.

Its as if you are full of air, and a pin prick could make your head explode.

Would you care to test it out?


The truth is too hard right now. Liquid courage is meant with liquid fear, and instead of finding love tonight, the best you can hope for is an awkward one night stand with Alexander Godunov.

Could he be a God enough?



Denial, is naturally the best way to cope. Wake up every morning, go to work or school, and be sure to drink lots of green tea, since it is full of healthy antioxidants. You will still combust, but you'll feel better about it. You have the grand illusion of control. If you have any free time, watch the movie Money Pit, because it is hilarious, and was made before Tom Hanks was self important and bloated.



Also, who thinks Shelly Long needs to make a comeback?